Saturday, October 24, 2009

Movie Etiquette, or the Lack Therof

So I know my blog is supposed to be about books and the literary world, but I just couldn't resist writing this post. I'm sorry that this doesn't fit into the literary world at all, but I feel we all need a little refresher on the principle of movie etiquette, especially those of us who live in Provo, or the greater Utah County. So to review the movie etiquette rules:

1. Get a babysitter- DO NOT bring your child to a movie (especially newborns) if your child has the potential to cry, talk loudly, or has the need to get out of the theater to do a number of items, such as peeing, talking, etc. If you can spring for you and your significant other to go to the movies, and get popcorn, and get drinks, you can afford to get a babysitter. If you can't, then obviously you can't afford to go to the movies. OR, for those of us who live in the greater Utah County area and are Mormon: have it be a service project for the Young Women, try swapping "service" babysitting with another couple in the ward, or call the in-laws. I'm sure you have some family that could watch your child for a couple hours. No? Then don't go to the movies. Don't think that your newborn is going to sleep through the loud noise. Stop kidding yourself.
2. If you do want to bring your child to a movie, DON'T take your child to a movie after, say, 8 pm, seeing as they won't be able to stay awake. I don't care who you are- go to a matinee- they're cheaper, and you're less likely to run into ornery adults who are upset at you for disregarding movie etiquette rule #1.
3. If you have a loud and annoying laugh (if it's loud, it's annoying), reign it in- laugh a little quieter so the people around and in front and behind you don't suspect that you're mentally handicapped, which I thought of a girl last night with her ridiculously loud and obnoxious laugh. Also, don't laugh LOUDLY at parts of the movie that aren't funny.
4. DO NOT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE DURING THE MOVIE. It's really not that hard-you're there to watch a movie, not to talk to your friend/lover/child, etc. If you NEED to talk on your phone while you're at the movies, for the love of all that is holy, go talk outside of the theater.
5. DO NOT pull out your cellphone during the movie to answer text messages- again, you're there to watch a movie. I don't care how hard you try to cover that blinding white screen, it WILL be seen by other movie-goers and we'll get really pissed off at you. Your life is not that important. I'm sure it won't kill you to answer the message once you're done with the movie. Deal with it.
6. Contain your body movements. I swear that if my chair gets kicked one more time, I'm going to kill the person behind me, and not even God will object because he's been there.
7. If you have to get out of the theater during the movie, get out as quickly and quietly as possible. Don't make a big deal of it. You shouldn't plan on leaving your seat until the movie is over anyway, but if you do, make it fast. And painless for the rest of us.

If you're still not sure whether or not something is "questionable" and whether it deserves to be put on the movie etiquette list, remember this: Your life is not important to me, I don't care, be responsible for your own actions and that of your posterity, and me, myself, and I are the only things that I do care about. Don't disturb that happy balance. Take responsibility for your own actions. You just paid the ridiculous fee to see the movie, now shut up and watch it. Oh, and if you're wondering if others feel the same way as I do, THEY DO! Just to give you a little taste of what happened to me last night while I was at the movies, rules #1, 2, 3, 4, and 7 were all broken. Yeah. I don't even know what the movie was about. I'm still confused.


Cassleman said...

Good for you Fake Librarian Girl!
Amen you're preaching/posting to the Choir!
After reading your awesome blog I've come to the conclusion that I completely and utterly agree.
I spend around $40 per movie and the last thing I want is for said movie to get ruined and for Pete's sake people, do not...I repeat do not bring your young children to rated R movies.
The movies are rated R for a reason.
-Yor friendly neighborhood Security or just plain Michael, but it doesn't sound as catchy.

Chelsey Clay said...

Thanks Michael! You're the best! And yes, it's true, yet sad, that people bring their children to R rated movies. My question is this: did they leave their brain at home? Where's their common sense?

Sheila A. Nielson said...

I have the loudest and most annoying laugh You've ever heard so you'd better not go to any movies with me! :) I really do try to rein it in but sometimes you just can't help busting a gut. I don't do any of those other things though.

Kiely said...

Ha! Chelsey, I love you! And I was just in Connecticut and paid ridiculous amounts of money to go to the movie theater and, let me tell you, New Englanders know their movie-theater etiquette. Even their pre-movie, silence-your-cellphone-now moment made me feel like I wouldn't be allowed to watch the movie if I didn't follow the rules. Although I did text during both movies, I totally sat in back and I really think I shielded the blinding light pretty well. But there were no children, no one left the theater before the end of the film, there was no talking - it was movie-going bliss.

Breanne said...

Ooo, can we add "Please don't repeat every single funny line in the entire movie!"? Lol, I had to move seats because of that one. Nice post!

Hirsche Family said...

I pretty much agree with everything you say Chels. I do admit that Scott and I have taken Geddy to many, many movies. BUT... we always go to an early matinee, timed to coincide with his nap. And yes, he sleeps through almost the entire movie. We always sit on the end so if he gets restless I can take him out immediately. And for the most part we only take him to family movies where we know there will be other children. Not everyone can afford a babysitter (matinee movies and no snacks might be a couples only chance at a date). Not everyone has oodles of family around to babysit so the parents get a few hours of fun once in awhile. We have been told on more than one occasion what a well-behaved baby we had and people didn't even know there was a baby in the row behind them until the movie was over. I should say this is all in the past, he is too old for this now so we can only go to kids movies. Scott and I will catch up on other movies via the library and Redbox. Also, I don't think we would have done this had we lived anywhere other than Provo area.

Hirsche Family said...

As if I didn't already ramble on long enough, I have one more thing to add about movie etiquette. If you are sick, stay home. Why do people who have phlegmy, nasty coughs go to movies. Not only is the noise annoying, but think of the germs they are spreading around!!!!

Chelsey Clay said...

Thanks for your comments Carol, and everyone else for that matter! I really appreciate everyone's feedback!