So I know my blog is supposed to be about books and the literary world, but I just couldn't resist writing this post. I'm sorry that this doesn't fit into the literary world at all, but I feel we all need a little refresher on the principle of movie etiquette, especially those of us who live in Provo, or the greater Utah County. So to review the movie etiquette rules:
1. Get a babysitter- DO NOT bring your child to a movie (especially newborns) if your child has the potential to cry, talk loudly, or has the need to get out of the theater to do a number of items, such as peeing, talking, etc. If you can spring for you and your significant other to go to the movies, and get popcorn, and get drinks, you can afford to get a babysitter. If you can't, then obviously you can't afford to go to the movies. OR, for those of us who live in the greater Utah County area and are Mormon: have it be a service project for the Young Women, try swapping "service" babysitting with another couple in the ward, or call the in-laws. I'm sure you have some family that could watch your child for a couple hours. No? Then don't go to the movies. Don't think that your newborn is going to sleep through the loud noise. Stop kidding yourself.
2. If you do want to bring your child to a movie, DON'T take your child to a movie after, say, 8 pm, seeing as they won't be able to stay awake. I don't care who you are- go to a matinee- they're cheaper, and you're less likely to run into ornery adults who are upset at you for disregarding movie etiquette rule #1.
3. If you have a loud and annoying laugh (if it's loud, it's annoying), reign it in- laugh a little quieter so the people around and in front and behind you don't suspect that you're mentally handicapped, which I thought of a girl last night with her ridiculously loud and obnoxious laugh. Also, don't laugh LOUDLY at parts of the movie that aren't funny.
4. DO NOT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE DURING THE MOVIE. It's really not that hard-you're there to watch a movie, not to talk to your friend/lover/child, etc. If you NEED to talk on your phone while you're at the movies, for the love of all that is holy, go talk outside of the theater.
5. DO NOT pull out your cellphone during the movie to answer text messages- again, you're there to watch a movie. I don't care how hard you try to cover that blinding white screen, it WILL be seen by other movie-goers and we'll get really pissed off at you. Your life is not that important. I'm sure it won't kill you to answer the message once you're done with the movie. Deal with it.
6. Contain your body movements. I swear that if my chair gets kicked one more time, I'm going to kill the person behind me, and not even God will object because he's been there.
7. If you have to get out of the theater during the movie, get out as quickly and quietly as possible. Don't make a big deal of it. You shouldn't plan on leaving your seat until the movie is over anyway, but if you do, make it fast. And painless for the rest of us.
If you're still not sure whether or not something is "questionable" and whether it deserves to be put on the movie etiquette list, remember this: Your life is not important to me, I don't care, be responsible for your own actions and that of your posterity, and me, myself, and I are the only things that I do care about. Don't disturb that happy balance. Take responsibility for your own actions. You just paid the ridiculous fee to see the movie, now shut up and watch it. Oh, and if you're wondering if others feel the same way as I do, THEY DO! Just to give you a little taste of what happened to me last night while I was at the movies, rules #1, 2, 3, 4, and 7 were all broken. Yeah. I don't even know what the movie was about. I'm still confused.